Greece April 2010

What Does it Mean to Wonder?

If you did,

how would you do it?

Toes at the edge,

ground barely visible.

One foot off,

followed by the other.

Rope laced around the neck

pulled tightly.

Chair beneath the feet

slowly kicked away.

Hand wrapped around the shaft

pressure against the temple.

Finger squeezes the trigger

out with one bullet.

Red, white and blues

mixed with tequila,

on top of more yellows

add a few shots of vodka.

Blade against flesh

dragging it across,

cutting deeper,

left to bleed.

If we wonder,

does that make us crazy?

They thought so.  

Now I lay, 

surrounded by screaming white walls

hands and feet bound to the bed,

wishing that that cold winter morning,

closed in the dark deserted garage,

I had left the engine running.

The Swiss Alps

Just Like You

My fingers closed around her lifeless hand.
Perfect red hair, tied in braids that fell on her shoulders.

Long lashes, above green glass eyes that never shut.

Porcelain, virgin skin covered her hard body.

Dragging her everywhere she never broke,

She never broke because,

I never let her go.

I never let her go until that one day,

focused on the noises, the kids and the liquid colors.

I placed her on the window sill,

to watch the pair in the yard, on the swings.

Returning,

the black sheer curtains had been closed,

I knew she was no longer there.

Guilt sits in my stomach,

for being so easily distracted

for losing her like I lost you.

And the fact you never knew

I loved her like I loved you.

Caribbean Gardens

Witness

117 pounds,
Long, voluminous golden hair
flamboyant blue eyes,
the fullest laugh with that vivid smile.
How she used to be.

With her every day, I watched
as full meals became almost extinct.
From barbecued chicken, and spiced rice
to 4 saltines and the occasional green.

I watched as her calves ran into her thighs,
Only flesh covered bone,
with no change in size.
Her back, her shoulders, breaking through,
every rib visible,
 through that pale yellow tainted skin.
I watched as her empty eyes sunk in deeper,
And her brittle hair began to break,
As she became an 87 pound frame.  

And all I did was watch,
through my own reflection
As I slowly turned into nothing.  

Monster Truck